Mud huts and Heavenly mansions

Holy, Holy, Holy. Holy, Holy, Holy. We are not of this world. We are incomparable. We are from Heaven, we are Holy, Holy, Holy. Holy, Holy, Holy, because He is Holy. 

"If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died! And your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with Him in glory." Colossians 3:1-4

Every Friday and Saturday my practical missions team goes and builds houses for the widows in one of the villages close to Iris. For the past few weeks we have been working on a house that was completely demolished in the flood a few months ago. The house belonged to a beautiful petite widow named Albertina. The Lord told me before I came that I would meet beauty incarnate while in Pemba and when I met Albertina I knew she would show me what beauty looks like. She is one of the most beautiful women I have ever met in real life. Since we have been coming back to her home for the past few weeks, we have been developing a relationship with her and all of her many children- that seem to be some hers and some just from the community that do not at all hesitate to call her "momma". Even though she cannot communicate with us verbally because of the language barrier, through her essence and her presence she has told me so many beautiful things about the kingdom, about true beauty and real love. She has the most beautiful dark brown eyes I have ever seen. Albertina cannot walk. She is bed ridden because she only has one leg, her children and her neighbours take care of her but they still seem to have this respect and honour for her like she is their very own mother, a warrior, a leader and a refuge and shelter. She is so strong. She has been living in a home that has had no roof- very poor shelter from the rains and heat. She lays on a daybed behind her house most days in the shade as people come to visit and be in her presence all day and night. As we have committed to Albertina and have been learning to build little mud huts in the dirt, my heart has been learning about being in Christ and living in heavenly mansions. 

 I was asking Father what it was about her that made me feel sooo captivated, that made me jealous for what she had and that made me see beauty face to face. 

If I am an ambassador of Heaven, if Jesus really has died and risen and brought me into His death and resurrection, if I am truly dead to myself and alive in Christ seated with him in heavenly places right now (Ephesians 1) then where I have come from and where I am going is Heaven, Heaven, Heaven. Nothing of me is of this world anymore, I am set free to live like I am in Heaven all the time. Even though my body withers away and is dying down here and I await my new heavenly body, spiritually I am living in the heavenly places of royalty not lacking anything because I am in Christ already. My earthly physical beauty is nothing, I am a dying body, I do not have or ever will have a lasting home here; I cannot own any place or person for myself, I have no inheritance for earth any longer, nothing to claim as my own, nothing that will last. In deep places of my heart I long to live on earth like Albertina. If this life is but a breathe, a fleeting moment in time in comparison to a lifetime in eternity, I want Jesus to viciously burn up everything that clings me to beauty, shelter and wealth of this world. I think this world is beautiful and God has fashioned it so beautifully to be a small replica of what we will experience in Heaven, money and beauty can be good things- everything has been made for him and by him to give him glory and to display the beauty and splendour of His majesty- but how I long to enjoy and live with these things like it all won't last, like a foreigner who knows there is even better and who waits with unclenched hands knowing the more is coming. I want to live like I'm living in a mud hut with no roof and holes in the walls, satisfied and so completely reliant on Him to be my only beauty, my only shelter, my everything, grateful because I know that this isn't my home, that I actually have a home in eternity that is more beautiful than anything that could be made or crafted in the world. There I will dwell with The Lord him in me and me in him so, so perfectly and transparently, vulnerably and intimately that nothing here could even come close to that completeness and satisfaction. 

If Christ is in me, the hope of glory and I in Him- I live as royalty right now, willing and so absolutely thrilled to be dirty, poor and needy because I know who I am. Vise versa, I can also live in wealth, beauty and what some parts of the world would consider "luxury" too because I live with unclenched hands, willing to give it all away for better in Glory. 

Meeting Albertina and building mud huts have been really challenging me with how much of eternity I am fixing my eyes on. I think that life changes drastically once we can continuously keep our eyes fixed on eternity. 

We are Holy, Holy, Holy through and in the One that is Holy and because we are Holy we live lives set apart. I don't just want to know this but being here has really been showing me that I want to live like I know it, ready and willing to give it all, live anywhere, love anyone, be and look like whatever because I know who I am and whose I am, I know where I came from and where I'm going. So whoever, wherever, whatever, whenever Lord because my life is not my own, old me has died and I now live hidden in Christ, incarnate in Him. I will be whoever for him, wherever for him, whatever for him and whenever for him because everything here for him is marking out and creating what eternity will look like with him. 

Jesus I pray you just give us bigger eyes to see eternity coming and how big it is in comparison with the right now. Help us live for eternity and be truly willing to give our live's away for love's sake because we know that You and our live's with You in eternity is worth it all. 

Low and Slow

One of the key sayings here in Pemba is "go low and slow." The past few weeks Father has been increasingly revealing to me what that means. 

I really struggled coming here, the first night here was very difficult for me. So much insecurity was being surfaced in me and already so much of the dirt in my heart; the places still orphaned and needing to be loved on and accepted again were being shown to me. 

I felt so vulnerable and naked before all these people I didn't know, in a place I have never been before, with all my open wounds gushing out of me.

The first night here in Africa we had a worship night under the stars and Jesus already had me on my face in the dirt speaking tenderly to my heart. (Hosea 2 "therefore I will allure her, I will lead her into the wilderness and there I will speak tenderly to her.)

My heart was just crying out for more and Jesus spoke back to me and he said "kayla everything comes out of how hungry you really are for more love." I realized that I had come to Africa very very okay with myself, very satisfied with the amount of love I had with Jesus, content with his presence in my life, with where I was and with where my life was going. The very first night there were so many things wrong with my heart. I had come to the end of myself. 

One of Heidi's messages this past week was "What does incarnational love look like?"

The past two weeks my heart has been re-learning how to be okay with feeling no good at all. 

A few days ago this past week, a few friends and I went and visited a small village right beside Iris. Walking through the villages as a white person has been very humbling. I am awful at learning new languages, I have found it very difficult to learn makua and Portuguese. With only knowing the basic, "hello?", "how are you?" And "what's your name?", I went with a few others to break bread and spend time with families in the village. As we visited one family, father humbled me so much. I could not sit there and minister to them with any fancy words, I couldn't tell very much about myself or ask in very much detail anything of my new friends to get to know them, it was just me and Holy Spirit. Father spoke to me so much about being HIS presence and in HIM the whole time "ministering" to them. 

How humbling it was to be completely stripped of everything I could really offer of myself and only rely fully on Holy Spirit to be my presence and speak to them what needed to be communicated. Oh how hungry my spirit has been getting. Hungrier and hungrier. Less and less confident, increasingly uncertain of myself and more and more unattracted to myself. I have really looked like a fool the past few weeks, meeting and trying to form relationships with new people with only three sentences, having nothing new to really offer to people here who are just so on fire and so full of life already, having no plan with no idea where my life is headed. On top of this, I spent three days earlier this week so ill I could barely move and the dirtiest I have felt ever. In all of this just feeling completely wrecked before Jesus as he showed me so much shame and guilt. 

I have been stripped of everything I thought was good about myself. I really am so poor and needy. Jesus has been showing me that poor and neediness are the two keys to revival. 

Jesus came to show us what love looks like. He emptied Himself out, completely dependent upon the Father admitting he could do nothing on his own but everything fully yielded and submitted to the Father's will. Laid downess and yieldedness like this has wrecked me. I can't help but just feel so much conviction with how dependent I become apart from His spirit in me. The Son came to put us in Himself so that we could have the same spirit that could be yielded and submitted to God crying out "Abba Father". How much could we revolutionize Christianity by wanting to seriously become nothing. Why do we try and prove to Father that we can do all things? Why do we strive like slaves working so hard in our loving Him? How much more fun could we have if we simply just learned how to be okay with being nothing before Father?  It's in our nothingness we can accept the fullness of grace. Father has been saying "Let go and be nothing, having nothing to offer and nothing to give me but your open hands." Hunger revolutionizes our loving. When we are empty enough we can receive to overflowing ALL of Father's love. It was only Father's love and not His own that possessed Him and made Him INCARNATIONAL love. One of Heidi's key saying is "I can't, He can, so together we will".

She tells us that that is why Pemba is full of faith and fruitfulness. We see little children accepting Jesus and walking in pure incarnational love, healing the sick, praying over emotional sickness and setting the captives free. They believe completely and fully that they have unity with Jesus. The little children have taught the leaders at Iris that childlikeness really does bring down the kingdom. They don't know how to do anything by themselves, they know how to have nothing and let Him be everything. They say that hunger is truly the source of all love. 

Yesterday we had the amazing opportunity to wash the feet of our Iris' mozambiqican pastors. The culture at Iris revolves around honour; to really believe in our oneness with Jesus in submission to the Father enough to go the lowest. Not only was I able to wash my Mozambican brother's feet but he washed mine, while 4 or 5 people gathered around me with the laying on of hands and they just prayed over me and lavished his love on me. I felt absolutely unworthy and undeserving. I saw Jesus' laid down love for me that morning and it was powerful. Jesus knew His position with the Father. He knew He was a Son, He knew He wore the crown and sits on the throne beside God the Father and it was in this knowing where He came from, He could come down and be the lowest of all and wash my feet. It was in this knowing who He was to Father and knowing where He came from that He was able to be emptied out and nothing, ready and willing to wash feet.

Jesus has invited us into that Sonship! 

While being here Father has been showing me that He is looking for laid down lovers who are willing to give it all because they know who they are and who's they are.

If we are still attracted to ourselves, believing in ourselves apart from Father, unwilling to be emptied out love will not come through and revival in our own hearts and in our churches will not happen. If desperation is not the position of our hearts, we will not see Jesus and we will not see the kingdom here, we will not see miracles and we will not see love.

I have just been getting filled up with wanting more. I don't want Him to pass me by, I want love to overshadow me. 

Pemba has definitely been full of powerful love and I see Father just handing me the keys to revival for my heart and for His church, so amazing! Keep praying friends! 

“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled."

Matthew 5:3, 6 

A few mornings a week I have got to be apart of the children's morning programs and feed houndreds of kids a meal, they are so funny and so bright and lovely. I have met some pretty amazing friends. 

Pemba!!

This is my first official Africa blog post! Yay! I can't believe it has been two and a half weeks since I ventured off on this crazy journey.

I cried the whole way through security as my amazing best friend saw me off. I was all of a sudden all alone, all by myself getting on 3 different planes for the next two days heading to a place I have never ever dreamed of myself going to for reasons I still did not know! Hah All I knew was that Father was asking me to go. This was the only word I was going on for the previous two months, Father saying " just come away", "trust me and just go"- with no answers about why. It is so hard for me to dive into newness without any vision, without any purpose or reason. I cried myself to sleep almost every night before going, people asked me " are you excited?!" "Africa, Africa!!" And I would smile but inside I was terrified. Haha I had no idea what Father was up to and the not knowing was terrifying- it always is isn't it?

I sang the same song for two days on my way here. I sang " you make me brave, you make me brave, you call me out upon the shore into the waves." I would wonder why I was so terrified, what devastation could possibly come upon me in this place that was terrifying me so much? Father would sing back to me as I watched out the window looking into the clouds " I take you up, you soar with me on eagles wings, your safe with me, your safe with me." 

Here was this little girl, boarding plane to plane, with no clue at all, relying fully on the word "just go."

I came to Iris base here in Pemba to 350 other "students" just like me from all over the world (350 of us chosen from 900- I am 1 out of 4 or 5 Canadians) who are coming alongside Iris Ministries this summer. We are ending week two here at Iris of my 10 weeks of being here. Time is flying already! Days go by so fast here as we have class Monday through Thursday from 8am until 1pm. During our classes we are taught by Heidi and Rolland Baker as well as many other amazing Pastors and missionaries who pour into us and love on us.  After classes we have the option of doing outreaches in the village communities around the base, helping on site staff with the many different ministries going on here or taking the afternoon to get more teaching from what we call "back porch sessions" from some of the long term missionaries. Fridays are our practical missions days and each of us will be put into teams that help out the same Iris base ministry every week. I have signed up for discipling in the children's program on base, house building in the villages around Iris and women's ministry where we will be setting up a place in the market to beautify some women from the village and build relationships.  Iris pours into so many lives and has so many different serving opportunities- they are mentoring and discipling pastors and worship leaders, they are discipling school age children in their village kids program, they have feeding programs everyday and feed every child that comes on base for a meal, they have a farm where they grow maringa and other specialties that produce the food given daily, they have hospitality ministry, business ministry working with momma's to help them start their own businesses, brothals ministries, medical care, prison ministry, and so many others. This Friday I will be told what ministry they are putting my little hands to work in. :) 

I have never met so many laid down lovers for Jesus in one place. It has been so fun getting to know so many friends who will be doing mighty things for the kingdom representing 41 nations in total! 

In the midst of so many opportunities to pour out and serve and do all of that, I have found that the first two weeks stretching on in into the rest of my time here, even in the midst of everything Father will have me do here, the main reasons I am here is to rest, to learn and to receive. I have already experienced so much shift in my heart, so much break through in a lot of places I was in bondage, Jesus has just been setting me free and just releasing new revelation, new vision and new love in my heart. I felt like a huge desert longing for water and I knew it was about that time that He wanted to refresh my dry and desperate lands, dig new wells and fill old stale ones to overflowing. Jesus is alive here in Pemba- every child adopted here at Iris has seen Jesus face to face and walks in Jesus, one with Jesus and alive in Jesus.  One of the first few nights I was brought to my knees by a little boy who prayed into me at a service and prophesied into the exact areas into my heart that needed a new touch by Jesus. Jesus has been ministering to me by the least likely here in Pemba- I have been being wrecked by His presence, His beauty and His longing for me the past few weeks and I am not afraid anymore. Father has told me that the main reason He has brought me here to Pemba is to kiss me then kill me. I feel like my spirit already knew that coming here and that's why I was terrified. At the beginning when I had not experienced a fresh taste of his heart in a long time, in such a dry and barren place, it was. As I have been here though, I have felt the touch of His kisses, a new and fresh real life experience of His beautiful face and the actual tangible love of His warm embrace and my spirit says "I will do anything for what I have tasted, YOU are the only thing I want,  kill everything of myself that's left, I want more of you and less of me, so take me, kiss me and kill me!"

So yes, Father has brought me here to Pemba to kill me, and I am just so darn excited!! 

It's beautiful here. Their winter is pretty darn hot. I have already had children rubbing off the dirty gross peeling skin from my previously sunburnt shoulders as they jump on me for piggy backs. I have had only water bottle showers in two weeks since we have had no running water, my pink toenail polish at the end of every day is always brown and my blonde hair is thrown up in a dirty bun morning day and night, I almost chipped my tooth a few mornings ago from a rock I found in my breadroll and the other day I actually cried at the thought of a hotdog with mustard. Lord Jesus have mercy for me, I have a lot of "killing" to go. ;) 

Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy the rest of this adventure with me! Bless you friends!